Remember when Matthew McConaughey told us he wanted to be a serious actor? We chuckled, patted his head, and said, “Aw Matt, that’s precious. You should stick to teaching us how to lose a guy in 10 days and let the pros do their thing.” Next thing you know, he was tugging our heartstrings in Dallas Buyers Club and creeping us out in True Detective. We were even eerily chilled by his Lincoln commercials. Up was down. Left was right. We launched into a tailspin. We… we loved Matthew McConaughey. We hated to admit it, but h*ll, if loving him was wrong, we didn’t want to be right. Well, RPM Steak is our personal Matthew McConaughey.
We wanted to hate it. The idea that some fauxlebrities (an Apprentice winner and E! News anchor) were going to open a restaurant, much less a steakhouse in Chicago, made us cringe. And then there’d be the predictable setup, the weeks it’d take to get a reservation, the fact that it’d be full of River North all-stars, and hot damn was it expensive. But somehow, some way, RPM Steak did it - they McConaughey-ed us. They crushed the high-end steakhouse in a city already filled with all of the meats.
Once you mentally move past the hype, you can appreciate RPM Steak for what it really is – a classic Chicago Steakhouse that exudes power, glamour, and sex appeal. The space is trendy (if a little predictable), with mahogany walls, leather booths, and the moodiest of lighting. Service is impeccable, with white-jacketed waiters who make you feel less like a kid playing dress-up and more like a discerning adult deserving of recommendations from the sommelier.
The menu is large, but it’s organized well so you never feel lost. Of course, make sure to pick from one of their 15 different cuts of steak, but don’t pass up the rest of the menu. If you can finagle it, hit RPM Steak to impress clients on the corporate account. If not, your wallet will hurt, but your stomach will thank you.
If Gibsons is your wife, Chicago Cut is your girlfriend, and Portillo’s is your booty call, then RPM Steak is your mistress. You know it’s wrong, but it feels so, so right.
On a menu of hits, this is the rare miss. We wanted something light and green to accompany the gluttony, but this didn’t hit the spot. Bland, flavorless, and overall lacking. Skip it and opt for the Wedge or Shredded Kale Instead.
Delectable little bites of tuna. Quality tuna is enhanced by slightly sweet black garlic and ponzu sauce.
This calls for an audible, “Yass queen!” So buttery, so delicious, and the sauce is the stuff dreams are made of.
We’d be remiss not to review a ribeye at a steakhouse. Delicately charred with just enough seasoning, the focal item does not disappoint. This steak will impress even the most discerning carnivores.
At $85 for five ounces, this micro steak delivers on its hefty price tag. Each succulent bite makes you worry how you’re going to afford your next fix.
This dessert, which your waiter will flambé tableside, is how you’ll want to end your night. Afterwards, you’ll softly, slowly murmur, “Alright, alright, alright.”