PHLReview
Of all the notable Maryland exports—Old Bay, crabs, Michael Phelps—Loch Bar may be the worst. The Philly outpost of the Baltimore chain is on the Avenue of the Arts, an ideal location for a swanky night out on the town or people watching over a business lunch. But the music at dinner is so loud you can only communicate through side glances, and the only serviceable dish here is a cobb salad—hold the overcooked shrimp—so we wouldn’t even suggest it to the horrible bosses who make us work holidays.
photo credit: ATLAS RESTAURANT GROUP
photo credit: ATLAS RESTAURANT GROUP
photo credit: ATLAS RESTAURANT GROUP
photo credit: ATLAS RESTAURANT GROUP
photo credit: Atlas Restaurant Group
From the $32 three-bite crab cake to the gasp-inducing deep fried lobster tail in a pool of appletini-green oil, Loch Bar's food fails to justify its astronomic prices. Most of the dishes are over seasoned, poorly cooked, or, disastrously, both. Steer clear of the fish and chips. It’ll give you a salty jump scare in the first bite, and it looks like somebody left an old shoe in the fryer overnight (though we do like the pile of fries it’s served with). The cocktails aren’t much better—basic mezcal drinks served with inexplicably messy black salt, and boozy slushies that taste more like a regrettable night on South Street than an upscale meal. If you’re looking for seafood after a show at the Kimmel, head to Oyster House or Estia. At least they know what to do with crabs.
Food Rundown
photo credit: Atlas Restaurant Group
Oysters
They offer a rotating list of six types of oysters from around North America. Range isn’t their problem. The basic mignonette, tabasco sauce bottles still wrapped in plastic, and bits of shell and sand inside every oyster are.
Fried Lobster Tail
What did the lobster do to deserve this? That’s the first question you’ll ask yourself when you see this crime scene of honey butter, chili oil, and fried lobster on a plate. They don’t get the frying part right, so it’s like every inch of the tail is covered in an oil body mist. Skip it.
Fish and Chips
The first time we had this dish, we had to use our knife and fork like a geologist's pick and hammer to get to the actual fish. It’s super salty, sweating with oil, and unappetizing to look at. They take a filet of North Atlantic hake and absolutely destroy it. The only good thing to come out of an order is the fries.
photo credit: Atlas Restaurant Group
Crab Cake
It’s not that these crab cakes with Old Bay remoulade aren’t okay. It’s just that they're not made of gold, so they shouldn’t cost $64 for an order of two. The quality is good, but nothing about this crab cake sticks out from any average-ish one you’ve had before—except for the price.
photo credit: Atlas Restaurant Group
Lobster Roll
There’s nothing special about this lobster roll. It’s topped with chives and celery leaf on a split-top buttery bun and served at room temperature. The first time we had it, it was bland, and the second time it was too salty. We won’t be going for number three.
