Wow. What a disaster. We had heard mixed things about Olio Pizza e Piu from early online write-ups, but guess where we didn’t find any mixed opinions: inside the restaurant. This was one of the worst meals we’ve had in recent memory, and it wasn’t just us. The group sitting directly behind our table sent back pretty much everything they ate, and once they found out we sent food back ourselves, began using our discontent as an opportunity for class action complaining. The entire evening, we watched as waiters dispatched managers to various tables, each inexplicably with an iPad in hand. Please take this dish back, and no, I don’t want to play Scrabble. The only people that really seemed to be enjoying themselves was the table of 23 to our left, and they got dropped off in a school bus that has karaoke in it.
Basically, Olio is a new Neapolitan pizza joint in the West Village, opened by someone who is an award winning “Master Piazzolo” and authority on the subject. I’m not sure how you earn the title of Master Piazzolo, but it probably isn’t by serving personal size pies that make you fantasize about the California Pizza Kitchen at LaGuardia. Each pizza we ordered was a mess of rubbery cheese and crust - heavy, sloppy and unappetizing. Speaking of unappetizing, the octopus salad (see below) was probably the worst thing we’ve ever eaten in a restaurant. So why does Olio get a 1.1? Because we weren’t quite ready to strip Tavern On The Green of the worst rating on the site.
You know its a bad sign when you order octopus and they drop this plate in front of you. Is that hearts of palm? Jicama? We wish. We’re not sure if this octopus came from a can, or if they just poached some fresh tentacles in mop water, but either way we don’t ever want to eat anything that bad again. You can have this one back, kitchen.
Another big winner - this one of the “European Cup”. Maybe that’s a more competitive event than the...world...championship. Nevermind. This one was another loser. Again, it was essentially just two inch thick layer of gloppy cheese, this time a bufala mozzarella, which was completely indistinguishable from the regular mozzarella.
Deep fried pizza dough. Kind of like little savory pieces of funnel cake, with some tomato sauce. Imagine something you might find at a state fair or street carnival, but it costs twelve bucks instead of two.
The winner of the “Italian Championship” and “World Championship?” That has to be a big deal right? Bring on the champ, let’s eat. Or let’s not. This was a mess of rubbery cheese that was almost impossible to get through, and the taste of char from the crust overpowered any other flavors that might have been intended.
Ok, now they’re just making up titles. This pie was apparently winner of the “World Championship” and “International Championship”. Watch, the next one will be winner of the prestigious “Intergalactic Cup.” Deluxe on this pizza means cherry tomatoes and that unimpressive bufala mozzarella. The best of the bunch, but unfortunately still bad.
A half moon pizza stuffed with what seemed like a snow shovel worth of ricotta and smoked mozzarella, probably since they’re so good at cheese. Too much going on, and not delicious. At least this one wasn’t claiming any titles.