It’s happened to all of us. Your love life is good, communication is strong, and suddenly, it all crumbles. Maybe someone isn’t feeling it, is feeling someone else, or perhaps after a year of being quarantined together, you’ve realized even just the sound of him eating cereal makes you want to light everything on fire.
Love is such a beautiful thing.
It’s also terrifying, confusing, and excruciatingly painful. But that’s where we come in. For every all-night screaming match you’ve had over dirty dishes, there are five to-go cocktails ready to go for you somewhere else. For every time you just want to give up, there’s a beautiful plate of smoking hot BBQ ready to cure your soul. Here’s where you need to be ordering from when everything falls apart.
Turns out there is a threshold for the amount of time you can spend with one person in an apartment, and you crossed it months ago. You need a break - from them, from life, from sitting at home every night complaining that there’s nothing left to watch. Time to get out of town. You don’t know where you’re going yet, but you do know you’re stopping at Cilantro on your way out. Located inside a Chevron right off the 170 in North Hollywood, this tiny Mexican counter serves incredible burritos (we love the sweet char of the carne asada) that provide some much-needed nourishment before a long drive north to reclaim one’s sanity.
Quarantine has taught you a lot about yourself. You can snack all day without ever feeling full, you’re an Olympic champion at waking up three minutes before work, and under no circumstance are you ever living with another human being ever again. Thank your significant other for their time and celebrate your new life of solitude with a feast from Al-Watan. The long-standing Pakistani spot in Hawthorne has excellent food all around, but you’re here for the mixed tandoori. It’s a steaming plate of chicken and beef that’s been marinated in spices and cooked in a clay oven with mesquite, and the kind of dish you pick at for several days afterward and it’s still delicious. Now that’s companionship in your book. Call (310) 644-6395 for takeout, delivery available on most major apps.
Here you thought the quarantine was going to bring about a new sense of intimacy and cohabitation for you and your significant other. One year later and all you have to show for it is five new house plants, late-night Twitter dependency, and a deep disdain for the exact way he naturally breathes. It’s time to call it. Luckily, El Compadre is waiting for you and your impending emotional breakdown. The classic Mexican spot has locations in Hollywood and Echo Park, and both are available for takeout. Now, all you have to do is load up your order with enchilada platters, house chips and salsa, and the strongest margaritas in town.
Everybody knew it was a red flag when he gave you keys to his place on the second date, but you were blinded by young love. Two months and one very bad pelvic tattoo of your name later, it’s officially over. Time to go ponder why you didn’t see the early warning signs at Roma Market in Pasadena. The family-run Italian market has a bunch of rare imported cheeses and pastas, but you’re here for the $5.50 sandwich sitting on the back counter. With only provolone and some cured meat (capicola, mortadella, and salami), it’s an objectively simple sandwich, but one that tastes incredible - especially while sprawled on the hood of your car in the parking lot.
She gave you nine months to lock down a steady job, and you just couldn’t make it happen. At least you got a solo win in Fortnite, right? Time to order from Mofongos, a fantastic family-run Puerto Rican restaurant in North Hollywood. Our recommendation is to start with the appetizer platter that comes with beef-filled potato balls and yucca fritters, and then end with the carne guisada mofongo. It’s a mountain of deep-fried green plantains topped with a savory beef stew that’ll make your questionable work ethic seem like a distant memory. Then take a long break - you earned it. Available for takeout and delivery.
If your boyfriend just left you because you said no to tiny living, you won’t find a better spot on the Westside for upscale comfort food than Birdie G’s. With everything from matzo ball soup to layered chocolate cake to “gold bars” aka bricks of stuffed potato latkes, the takeout menu certainly covers a lot of ground, but that should be music to your ears, considering you passed up living in 400 square feet with another full-grown adult. Available for takeout and delivery.
You created a fake Grindr profile because you suspected he was cheating (he wasn’t), and now you just got caught cheating with someone on Grindr. Go take your toxic trust-issues to Ham Ji Park. The popular BBQ spot in Koreatown is different from other grill-your-own outposts in the area, because the two things on your order are prepared in the kitchen: The pork ribs and the pork-neck stew. That might seem like a lot of pork for one meal, but you’ll need it as you calculate in your head how much therapy is going to cost for the next ten years. Call (213) 365-8773 for takeout, delivery available on most major apps.
You just discovered he’s been gradually siphoning money from your savings account for the past two years so he could complete his Star Wars Funko collection. Get yourself an order from Freedman’s as quickly as possible. The menu at this modern Jewish comfort food spot is fantastic across the board, but considering your situation, you should probably just get a Reuben. OK, maybe two Reubens. And then throw in a few of their excellent to-go martinis because your rage needs it. Available for takeout and delivery.
Thien An Restaurant
It wasn’t over text or even a long-winded email. Two years of dating and she ended it on a Post-it note she slapped inside your laundry basket. Time to heal your bruised ego with a takeout meal from Thien An in Westminster. The classic Little Saigon restaurant has a menu full of excellent Vietnamese dishes, but you’re ordering the Bo 7 Mon: A seven-course dinner featuring beef served seven different ways. It’s one of our favorite meals in the neighborhood, and exactly what you need to get back on your feet and buy a new laundry basket... since that last one got ripped in half. Call (714) 531-1838 for takeout.
She told you not to get “Saturdays Are For The Boys” permanently decaled on your front windshield, but you did it anyway, and now you’re sleeping on Travis’s couch in East Hollywood. Go take your hypermasculinity issues out on a giant prime rib from Lawry’s. The original location of the national chain treasure is open for both [takeout] and outdoor dining, providing you plenty of opportunities for you and Travis to go wild on some spinning salad and creamed spinach. Bonus: It doesn’t even have to be Saturday anymore! Available for takeout and delivery.
This is what you get for setting up your two best friends. They eventually break up, despise one another, and then make you take sides. Skip all that and go into hiding with a big takeout meal from Boston Lobster. Located in the San Gabriel Valley, all the food at this Chinese restaurant is good, but you’re really here for one thing - the house special lobster. This giant dish comes with about a hundred pounds of noodles, green onions, and garlic on top of a metric ton of lobster. It’s massive, fantastic, and the perfect distraction while you screen calls from your friends. Takeout available by calling (626) 288-4388.
This one hurts. You gave three years of your life to that girl, and boom - it just wasn’t in the cards. And after a long night of “It’s not you, it’s me,” you’re trying to decide what to do with that Spago anniversary reservation. Just get takeout by yourself. Order for two, get what Elizabeth probably would’ve picked, and gaze at the tattered picture of her you’ve been stashing in your wallet all these years. Available for takeout and delivery.