LDNGuide
16 Restaurants For When You Need To Act Like You’re Living Your Best Life (For Social Media)
photo credit: Giulia Verdinelli
Sometimes when you’re heart-deep in a break-up or just down in the dumps, all you want to do is show the world (read: your Instagram Stories) that you’re living your best life. After all, if you’re not posting pictures where you look like you’re having more fun than Flipper on a Slip ‘N’ Slide, how is anyone going to know? These are the places to do just that. And you know what, you’ll probably end up having a great time.
THE SPOTS
No other lift in London takes you to a room quite as beautifully (and purposefully) dilapidated as this one. If Miss Havisham was born into the era of Xanax this, we imagine, is how her house would look. Enormous ceilings, peeling wallpaper, candles flickering, and stylish, workwear-clad staff showing you to your table like extras who found their way here via Warhol’s Factory. Grandiose room aside, Sessions hits all the marks you want it to: the food is excellent, the champagne is flowing, and there’s a smug feeling of being somewhere everyone else wants to be.
Rooftop views over London? Yes. Open-air fire pit that’s asking to be cavorted in front of after a couple of margaritas? Sure thing. An obnoxiously good-looking taco and a DJ who doesn’t appear to do much apart from look really, really good? Check and check. This is Decimo, a Mexican-influenced shag-pit of a restaurant situated on the top floor of The Standard, London hotel in King’s Cross. If you can’t confidently show off and show yourself off in this place, then you can’t do it anywhere.
What says you’re living life (in a Kourtney Kardashian voice) like champagne, oysters, and magnificent views of London? Not much, that’s what. Located on the 14th floor of The Hoxton hotel on the South Bank, this seafood specialist spot has an outdoor space that feels distinctly New York rooftop meets Cote d’Azur vacation. There’s a skyline view of London, palm trees, and one of the best oyster experiences you can get. And if you’re really trying to show your 87 followers how great your life is, order the whole lobster as well.
photo credit: Paul Winch-Furness
Sexy Fish is a real mood. The mood being ‘I’m fucking fantastic and about to spend enough money to get an alarmed text from Monzo’. This seriously flash restaurant and late night bar in Mayfair has some pretty bang average food, but the kind of setting that’ll make your ex think you’ve moved onto a better life with a family of rich, gold-wielding mermaids. Come here in the evening to laugh at the DJ and inevitably refer to yourself as NO 1 SEXY FISHHH on the internet after your fourth cocktail.
Yes, this is from the same people behind Circolo Popolare and Gloria. What can we say? They’re good at going Big with a capital B. And so too will the amount of DMs you get after posting the 60cm stracciatella cake with a gif that says something like ‘gO HArD oR gO hOme!!!’. Very subtle. This hot spot—yes, we just said hot—has three floors, each individually themed and all of which will successfully trick you into thinking you’re somewhere far far away from Covent Garden. Stick with the classic mafaldine al tartufo and burrata, as well as getting one of the 24-hour leavened pizzas. Oh, and don’t forget dessert.
The River Café is an elusive restaurant. It’s highly thought of, high-priced, and next to the Thames in Hammersmith. You save this spot for a special occasion. You know, the occasion where you need a world-famous Italian restaurant to flaunt yourself on social media. The one where you bring a friend along to take ‘candid’ riverside shots of you nibbling a £21 pizzetta (the only thing you order) like a displaced Fyre Festival influencer whose fee is the jealous social media views and replays from your ex-partner. This is that occasion.
Gravity is undeniably for people who are not living their best life. How else do you explain the fact that eating 14 floors up automatically makes you feel like you’re winning at life? And this foliage-clad, glitzy, feel-good forest with excellent views of London will definitely have you feeling that. Come for the views, stay for the chicken kiev and 600 pillows.
We’re not going to lie to you. Brat is a cool restaurant. But in that effortless way that makes your enemies feel like they’ve just been left in the dust of James Dean’s Porsche. Not only does this Shoreditch spot manage to perform some kind of grill voodoo to create the best fish dish in London, they make it all look easy. Head here to channel the restaurant equivalent of finding the perfect pair of worn Levi’s.
photo credit: Bob Bob Ricard
These days, you only know two things for sure. One: Dua Lipa is officially your spiritual guide. Two: unless you’re going to keep mumbling ‘I got new rules, I count ‘em’ in public for the next year then Bob Bob Ricard is going to have to be your other. This Soho spot has a big, glitzy energy which is basically the restaurant equivalent of listening to Gloria Gaynor in your underwear. It’s pretty much impossible to leave here without pushing the press for champagne button one too many times and making everyone who isn’t there wish that they were.
Studies—all carried out by The Infatuation London team—have suggested that the higher your pile of steak, the happier you are. Can’t argue with science. This Soho spot has everything from a (not-so) secret burger, to an ‘All In’ offer where you get pre-chop bites, flatbread, a side, beef, pork, and the highly chewable lamb skinny chops for a very casual 24 quid per person. That should be enough to fill you up, while also filling your Instagram followers with serious FOMO.
Ever wished you had the songwriting talents of Adele so you could publicly shame your ex while looking smoking hot? Fuck that, who needs talent, when you’ve got a bucket of Taiwanese beer and Bao Borough’s karaoke room. Not only do we want the KTV room’s disco mode to be the new filter for every story we post, but the small plates here are excellent. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself serenading their banging 40-day aged beef by the end of the night.
People like shiny things. People get jealous of shiny things. People think, why is that not MY shiny thing? And that’s exactly what will happen once the glistening peking duck at Imperial Treasure arrives at your table. This is, without a doubt, the best-looking and best-tasting food performance in London. The bird, brown and shiny like Ray Winstone during the summer, is wheeled out and artfully carved tableside, before being served with pancakes and all the usual bits. You’ll be salivating. The other tables will be salivating. And the person watching from the other side of their screen will be too.
It’s a tale as old as time. Well, as old as your middle school playground memories—when in doubt, use ice cream to provoke envy. And few places in London do better ice cream than Milk Train in Covent Garden. Sure, we’re not entirely on board with the wall of fake flowers but the kitsch train carriage setting is the kind of whimsical aesthetic that goes with your new whimsical, entirely fictitious, carefree life. Just don’t get involved in the OTT candyfloss creations—they’re about as subtle as a 2014 Facebook poke.
photo credit: Giulia Verdinelli
Well well well. What do we have here then? Looks like your ex has started posting pictures of art at The Barbican. Two can play that game, sunshine. When you want to give the impression, err, illusion that you’re a cultured as fuck grown-up, head for Peckham’s casual all-day wine bar Levan for excellent wine, excellent sharing plates, and a cool, laid-back dining room. Bonus points if you manage to get your lovely face, the comté fries, and a Bowie record cover all in one shot.
You know that jealous feeling you get when you see fun happening without you on social media? The tight uncontrollable knotting of your stomach as you watch someone munch chicken masala skins and run around a leather-clad bar swigging espresso martinis. The clamminess of your fingers as you tap through to watch them playing pool and filling up from the whisky vending machine. The swipe down but immediate tap to watch again as you see a majestic looking lamb chop twirled. Well, don’t be that person watching. Be that person at Brigadiers instead.
photo credit: Lateef Okunnu
Arguably the most aptly named bar when you’re trying to casually show someone that your life is 100% better since they stopped being in it. This tiny Shoreditch basement bar has excellent bartenders that can make a mean cocktail and the kind of broody lighting that would make even The Predator look like a keeper. Although they keep a few tables for walk-ins, this place is popular, so book ahead.
