LDNReview
The grilled carabineiros at Lisboeta have undeniable star quality. They are celebrity by way of crustacean, glistening with piri-piri, supersized, and sensationally meaty. A see-and-be-seen £16 prawn matched by a crowd who are well aware that this Portuguese restaurant on Charlotte Street is the hyped culinary child of a chef who’s packing Michelin stars. But rather than making you feel like you’ve packed your proverbial bags for an unforgettable vacation meal, Lisboeta sometimes feels like you’re stuck in a heaving departure lounge waiting for a £49 seafood rice to take off.
When Lisboeta is good, it’ll convince you that you’ve finally mastered teleportation and zipped from Fitzrovia to Lisbon quicker than you can say 24 month dry-cured presunto. On the ground floor there’s your quintessential cosmopolitan counter seating that’s crying out for a solo negroni and a Sally Rooney novel. Prepare that smug ‘I too got a reservation’ glint in your eye and ascend the stairs to the tasteful dining room, with the modern restaurant trifecta of exposed brick, foliage, and a Guardian reader subtly taking a picture of a skin contact wine’s label. It’s a bright and bustling space, designed for charming clients over copita and floating the idea of a long weekend in Porto to your partner, alongside one of London’s best wine lists.
But when Lisboeta is bad, well, the holiday’s over. At peak times, the dining room can become a little too chaotic and crammed. The noise from the open kitchen area transcends from buzzing to conversation stealer. You’re suddenly very aware that sucking on a juicy prawn head while you’re elbow to elbow with a stranger is like an oddly intimate interview for the position of Chief Mukbanger.
The food has interrupted our attempts at a sunshine staycation too. Life-affirming prawns aside, the food at Lisboeta flits between edible sunshine courtesy of orange-kissed amberjack, to sans-seasoning bacalhau à brás and a congealed pork fat custard that will repeat on you with the same ruthless virality of a Vengaboys hit. The produce is the best of Portugal and the vindalho empada is the kind of sensational snack you inhale in two glorious Goan-spiced bites. But it’s hard to forgive the duds when they come with drop-kick prices and will potentially break your heart if you’ve ever had a holiday fling with sensational salt cod in Lisbon. Case in point, the red prawn and seafood rice which is pleasant but honestly, pleasant and ‘that’ll be £49 please’ don’t belong in the same sentence.
If you’re someone who’s really into restaurants, chances are you’ll still want to go to Lisboeta so that you can decide for yourself. We get it. We’re powerless in the face of Instagram hype and saying ‘oh yeah, I went there’ in the kitchen at house parties too. We can’t promise that you’ll get Lisboeta (The Good Version), but the great news is that even if you feel like you’ve annihilated your overdraft for the sake of some so-so seafood rice, there’s always the wine list and an unbeatable, albeit expensive, crustacean to soften the blow.