Chelsea Living Room

Chelsea Living Room made a name for itself based on a mozzarella stick topped with caviar. Except it’s not called a mozzarella stick, it’s called “crispy cheese with caviar,” and it comes one to an order for $49. In its defense, the stick itself has a nice fry. But the mozzarella inside is watery, and the caviar—which must be responsible for the majority of your $49—is uncomfortably warm. If you’ve found yourself mesmerized by internet videos of Chelsea Living Room cheese pulls this might come as a shock, but the food here is not good. 

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

Still, if you’re looking for a sceney place in Chelsea where you can drink a pornstar martini and disassociate, this isn’t a terrible choice. At the entrance there's a fake fireplace and a backgammon set no one has ever used, and then two dark rooms where people on fourth dates pretend to enjoy pasta with caviar because it's going to cost them $98. In case you end up here, snag a bar seat, skip the food, and spend as little of your money as possible— while getting in all the people-watching you’ll need for a month at least.

Food Rundown

Dirty Martini

Martini: watery. Blue cheese olives: exceptional. We wonder how much they’d charge you for just a side of olives.

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

Cacio e Pepe Pot Pie

Just so we're all on the same page here, pepe means pepper, and that is the main and only flavor happening in this dish. The cacio is missing.

Pigs in a Blanket

The fatal flaw of these pigs in a blanket is that when you pick one up, the pig will most likely fall out of its blanket. But the pig tastes pretty good.

photo credit: Patrick Dolande

Crispy Cheese with Caviar

We feel like we covered this adequately above, but the bottom line is this: hot caviar is not good. Hot caviar on a flavorless cheese cylinder for $49 is straight-up bad.

Steak au Poivre

A well seasoned steak, cooked to medium rare, with a gooey sort of substance on top that does have pepper in it, but is very much not au poivre.

Roasted Chicken

Comforting and boring—like something you’d eat on Thanksgiving, if you were too scared to cook a turkey. This should be eaten in the privacy of your own home, not on the leopard print carpet next to a couple who have a 35-year age gap.